Brothers in Loss
by iceycubes
Summary: **SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR** Thor could have prevented all this suffering. Or Thor feels immense guilt and Steve and Bruce are there to talk him through it.


The moments after the snap were filled with excruciating silence and confusion. Everyone was grappling with the fact that half of the universe had just ceased to exist. After all their fighting, all their struggle, they had lost. After several moments, they managed to drag their stunned bodies back to the city, where they sat scattered in a large room. People were speaking in hushed whispers, as if afraid too loud a voice would cause something else to happen.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor by a large window overlooking the usually beautiful outskirts of Wakanda was Thor. His new axe, StormBreaker, lay at his side. His eyes searched the green landscape, taking in every fire still burning, every torn-up blade of grass, every giant hole scorched by the battle, every wounded being, and the ashes he knew still lay on the floor of people he knew and respected. People he thought of as friends.

A sound to his left caught his attention. He listened as he continued to fix his gaze out the window. Shuri silently set down a glass of water on the floor, her eyes still wet from unshed tears and her hands slightly shaking. She pushed it gently towards the God sat before her with the ghost of a smile. Thor flicked his eyes towards her and nodded in appreciation, but not having the strength to say anything. She deepened her smile ever so slightly and then made her way back towards Okoye. She had to discuss the next steps for her people. Thor knew the responsibility and uncertainty of being thrust into royalty, as Okoye confirmed her brother turned to ash before her very eyes. Shuri was handling it well, attending to others and getting as much information as she could about recent events.

Thor cast his attention to Stormbreaker to his right, his mind replaying him burying it in to Thanos over and over again. He remembers how it felt to push the axe deeper into his chest, to hear his cry of anguish and pain. He remembers how satisfying it was to look him in the eye and declare his revenge. To make him, for a second, feel hopeless. To know he has lost and Thor had beaten him.

 _You should have aimed for the head._

He formed his hands into fists, feeling the burning anger and resentment build up in his chest.

 _You should have aimed for the head._

He replayed Thanos snapping his fingers, vanishing, and carrying on his life God knows where, with no ounce of regret. Anger, resentment, loss. All great motivators. But now, they made him feel weighed down and broken.

 _You should have aimed for the head._

Thor feels the beginnings of tears forming in his good eye, threatening to spill over and never stop. He could have stopped this. He could have prevented all of this. His fists formed tighter until he felt the biting sting of his fingernails digging into his palms.

"Thor?"

He jumped slightly, releasing his grip and looked to his left to see 2 pairs of tired, worn eyes looking at him.

"Steve...Banner." Thor spoke for the first time since everyone had started disappearing.

"May we…?" Steve asked, gesturing towards the floor.

Thor nodded hesitantly and lifted StormBreaker, moving it to the front of him so that they both took a seat on each of his sides.

Steve let out a loud sigh, fiddling with the collar of his armor. A few minutes of silence followed, making Thor's skin itch with unease. He appreciated his friends wanting to keep him company, but right now he felt he didn't deserve it. He had failed so much. He had failed his people, he had failed his brother, he had failed his friends, he had failed the Earth. He wanted to be left alone.

"It wasn't your fault." Came the sudden quiet voice of Banner, as if reading his thoughts.

Thor pressed his lips together, not expecting that at all.

"I do not know of which you speak. This was no one's fault. Thanos is at fault." He lied half-heartedly, not even believing his own words.

Banner shook his head and continued to speak quietly, "After…after what happened up in space. I thought you were dead. I thought Thanos had gotten you. But you survived. You were out there, getting…" his eyes shifted to the axe with a wooden handle "…getting a new weapon. You immediately kept fighting, kept going. And then you showed up when we needed you. Even after all the loss you already faced. But now. Now you seemed resigned. I know something's wrong."

Thor fixed his gaze on Banner, who was looking at him with genuine concern.

"There are others to worry about. I will be fine."

"Dammit Thor, listen to me. I-"

Thor abruptly got to his feet, cutting Bruce off. He walked away with purpose, making his way towards the opening that lead into the room. He heard an exasperated noise come from Banner but ignored it as he walked though the arch and out into the hallway. He ignored the glances of Wakandan civilians as his heavy boots echoed throughout the room. He knew it was childish to walk away from them, but he felt suffocated. It wasn't until he was outside the building that he noticed he has left StormBreaker on the floor. He had felt his connection with it dwindling, as it only reminded him of his mistake. Letting out a frustrated huff of air, he glanced around, taking in the scene before him. The Wakandan civilians that had evacuated were being helped back into the city. The magnificent palace could have easily turned into turmoil from panic, but Wakandan warriors were doing well with keeping peace of the public. He watched young children who lost one parent, or both, get escorted to another area. He watched several people weep as they found out loved ones were missing. His stomach twisted, knowing he took part in causing this.

Footsteps behind him broke his trance.

"I do not wish to talk." He murmured to the person who was following him, knowing it was Steve or Bruce without looking, as he continued his path towards the city limits.

"Thor, stop!" Steve shouted.

Thor kept walking purposefully.

"We all made mistakes," Steve carried on, jogging up to Thor and then matching his brisk walk. "I was the catalyst in splitting up the team before all this. I was the one who brought Vision here. It's my fault all these people had to put their lives on the line, for a war they did not even know about until now. I traded lives for his." He spoke softer near the end.

Thor stopped in his tracks and took in the Captain before him. Last time he had seen him, he was dressed in beautiful and vibrant red, blues, and whites. He would proudly hold his vibranium shield, the symbol of his patriotism and heroism. But now, he was dressed in a drab grey-blue, with no shield in sight. His clean-cut look replaced by a scruffy beard and long hair. It looked like the last two years had been just as rough for him as Thors. And Thor knew damn well it had been rough for Bruce too, trapped in the Hulk. Thor suddenly felt selfish. His friends were trying to get through to him, but they too had suffered.

Steve took a deep breath and stood in front of Thor, having to look slightly up to match his gaze. "You didn't know what Thanos could do, what he was planning. It's not your fault you didn't kill him faster. You got closer than any of us. That's got to count for something."

Banner appeared beside him. The shorter man reached up to put his hand on Thor's shoulder. "I couldn't even become the Hulk to help. Heimdall died sparing me, and I couldn't help. We understand, Thor. But we can't blame ourselves."

Thor felt those pesky tears beginning to swell again in his eye as he looked down onto his two warrior companions; when had they become such wise friends? He knew their words were true, but his heart still squeezed from his failures.

"I lost my brother. I lost my father, my mother. My hammer. My home, my people. I thought I had nothing left to lose. I was ready to die taking down Thanos. I told him he would die for taking my best friends life. I _wanted_ to look him in the eyes as I told him that." He broke away from the two and settled onto a nearby intricately crafted bench coated with a gold substance. He rested his elbows on his knees and stared forward. "I let my emotions get the better of me, and everyone else paid the price." He glanced at the two who had followed him slowly. "You two may have made mistakes too, but I feel mine is unforgiveable."

Steve and Bruce looked at each other, as if beckoning the other to say something. But both felt they didn't know what to say to change the sorrowed King's mind. Steve stepped up and once again sat down by Thor's side.

"Thor look around. No one blames you. _We_ don't blame you. Yes, things could have gone better, but there's no changing it now. There's only the next step." Steve said softly, as if trying to convince himself of that too. "I want Bucky back so badly. I don't think I can watch him die again. But he would want me to be out there, for him. He wouldn't want me to take the blame for his death." His eyes looked wet as well and he gave a chocked cough. "We can't give up."

Bruce filled the empty space to his left, leaning forward. "Steve's right. Asgard is gone, but Earth is also your home. You still have so much to fight for." he stated firmly. "And we don't need to forgive you because you did nothing wrong."

Steve gave him a warm smile, eyes still wet, to confirm this and Thor let their words sink in. And it was then he really realized he wasn't alone in his loss. Steve had no family of which to speak, and they both watched his best friend Bucky disappear. They both shared that, watching someone they thought of as a brother "die" multiple times. To be given a small flame of hope at their return, only to have it snatched away just as quickly. Bruce, as well. Living with the burden of the beast, with no one close to him, no one to call family. Yet, here they were. Ready to take care of him, ready to move onto the next step. Thor returned the smile, marveling at the inner strength of these mortals. "You two have the wits of an age-old God. Thank you."

They both continued to smile. They were weary smiles, but they reached their eyes. They were obviously happy to have broken through. Suddenly, Steve's eyes narrowed as he took in Thor's face. "Why is one of your eyes brown?"

Banner cocked his head at this statement and looked at Thor closely, realizing he had always been looking at his left side previously.

"Wait…your eyepatch is gone! Did you…did you grow another eye? Can Asgardians do that?" he exclaimed.

Thor let out a laugh; it sounded foreign in the dense, grief-filled atmosphere around them.

"There is so much to tell you, Steven! Banner and I had quite the adventure. Of all my years in this realm, this has been the most challenging." His eyes softened, thinking about how different he must look to his friends after not seeing them for two years. He thinks about how these last few years felt like mere weeks in his lifespan, but so much had changed.

"But, that's for later. I am not finished with Thanos. The stone's powers are infinite, we can use them. There must be a way to fix this. I won't stop until I've fixed this." He vowed, his spirit slowly picking itself off the ground. He had lost so much. But not everything, and he still had so much to gain.

"Until _we've_ fixed this. This isn't all on you." Steve reminded him.

"Aye. Until we fix this. We'll bring everyone back." Thor smiled as he stood to his full height, reaching his arm out to his side. A whistling sound filled the air and within seconds, his axe was in his grasp with a _thud_ , tiny sparks fluttering from his fingertips where he held the handle. "And next time, I'm aiming for the head."


End file.
